When to Hyphenate Shit
Spoiler alert: you’re using hyphens for things that are way out of their pay grade. Yes, the hyphen has several uses but that doesn’t mean you can just use it wheremst you damn well please! Come learn how to properly use a hyphen for once.
Write Like You Talk
Look, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it. Your writing is the textual equivalent of having a stick up your ass. It looks and sounds uncomfortable, and the rest of us want you to stop.
Is “Login” One Word or Two?
We’ve all been there. You type “login” and it doesn’t look quite right. “Maybe it’s two words,” you think, so you plop a space in there and now “log in” looks even worse. “Have I ever been right in my entire life?” Probably not. But I’m going to help you turn that losing franchise around!
Waiting on “If”
If only deals in hypotheticals. If works on an unconscionable contract. If is a malicious negotiator. If is a snake-oil salesman masquerading as the prophet who will make all your problems disappear. If takes control out of your hands and gives it to an indifferent and uncaring universe. It may seem like a small, innocuous word, but it’s secretly fucking up your entire universe.
Less vs. Fewer
Let’s be honest. We live in a world where more is better. We’re a gluttonous species that can never have enough shit. We need money, more possessions, more followers, more likes, and more carbs. You name it, we want it—and we want it all. So, it’s not surprising that we’ve forgotten how to even talk about the concept of not having as much as possible. So, when do you use “less” versus “fewer?”
When to Apostrophize Shit
The comma gets all the glory for being the most misused punctuation mark, but I’ll be goddamned if I let you bargain-bin rejects continue to besmirch the apostrophe’s good name.
Why You Suck at Writing
You can’t please everyone all the time. Sometimes your writing will be unquestionably, undeniably shitty. Other times, its shittiness comes down to preference and perspective. Either way, your writing will always be shitty to someone. And that’s okay.
Abbreviations, Acronyms, and Initialisms
Abbreviations, acronyms, and initialisms are all part of the same grammar family tree. They’re related but that doesn’t mean they’re the same. You’re already being lazy by hacking a word or phrase down to the smallest possible size, so the least you can do is learn the difference.
Affect vs. Effect
Elocution and enunciation have gone the way of the dodo. That’s why people are surprised to learn that affect and effect have different spellings, pronunciations, and meanings. So stop using whichever one you damn well please whenever it damn well pleases you.