When to Hyphenate Shit

Spoiler alert: you’re using hyphens for things that are way out of their pay grade. I know, the hyphen is easier to type than an en dash or em dash, but if the inconvenience of one or two extra keystrokes is causing you severe physical or emotional trauma, you have bigger problems to discuss with a licensed professional. 

“Who cares? They’re all just horizontal lines,” you say. Bad writer! Bad! Tsst! *sprays you with water* Whether it’s born of laziness or ignorance, it’s time to stop abusing the eyes of whosoever is reading your garbage musings and start understanding when it’s appropriate to use a hyphen.

Now, are there several uses for the hyphen? Yes. Are you going to use most of them in a given day, month, or even lifetime? Probably not. For that reason, I’m only going to cover the four most common uses for hyphens: to join words, to create participles, to attach (some) prefixes, and to prevent confusion. 

Let us begin.

Proper hyphen formatting

If you only take one thing away from this article, let it be this: never use spaces around a hyphen. They should touch the letters or numbers on either side.

Correct: Add that to my fuck-it list.

Incorrect: Add that to my fuck - it list.

Use hyphens to form compound words

When two words really love each other . . . wait, that’s a different conversation. When two words come together to create a new, single word, that’s called a compound word. There are three types of compound words: open (when you leave a space between the two words), closed (when you remove the space between the two words), and hyphenated (when you slap a hyphen between the two words). 

Knowing whether your compound word should be open, closed, or hyphenated is tricky—and there’s no strict formula to determine it. When a word or phrase first enters our shared vocabulary, it often starts as a hyphenated compound to indicate that you’re smashing words together. Once the word or phrase becomes more popular, it usually cuts the hyphen loose and becomes an open or closed compound. Run free, you beautiful bastard!

Note: all numbers between twenty-one and ninety-nine (when written out as words) are considered compound words and are ALWAYS hyphenated.

Examples of hyphenated compound words:

Mother-in-law

Sixty-nine (I will not apologize)

Use hyphens to form compound modifiers

What the hell is a compound modifier? Compound modifiers are created when two words come together to create an adjective. An adjective is a word that modifies a noun. So why isn’t it just called a compound adjective to make it less confusing? I asked the same thing and, for various reasons I’m legally barred from discussing, now I’m not allowed back at the library.

Let’s use this sentence as our lab rat: 

“Good thing the hotel provides complimentary high speed internet because I’m gonna do weird stuff on my computer tonight.”

As it’s written, the reader could possibly interpret this to mean that the hotel’s speed internet is located at a considerable height. Would the average reader make that mistake? Probably not, but you get the point. Don’t be a dick. That’s my job.

The correct way to write this would be: 

“Good thing the hotel provides complimentary high-speed internet because I’m gonna do weird stuff on my computer tonight.”

The hyphen is used between “high” and “speed” to indicate that they’re teaming up to specify that the hotel’s internet is fast.

DO NOT use a hyphen in compound modifiers that include an adverb

If a compound modifier includes an adverb (the words that typically end in “ly”), you don’t need to include a hyphen because adverbs have a very specific function. All they do is modify other words, so you don’t need an additional indicator (i.e. a hyphen) to help readers understand what you’re saying. You’ve done all you can. It’s their problem now.

Example:

Incorrect: “We stayed at a highly-rated hotel and did things that made me feel bad for the housekeepers.”

Correct: “We stayed at a highly rated hotel and did things that made me feel bad for the housekeepers.”

DO NOT use a hyphen when the modifier comes AFTER the noun

When the modifier comes after the noun, it doesn’t need to be hyphenated because there will almost always be a verb that connects the noun to the modifier.

Example:

The hotel’s internet was high speed and I used it to do some really weird stuff on my computer.

Use hyphens with prefixes, sometimes.

Ok, prefixes are high-maintenance little shits but that’s a problem for another blog that nobody will read. Sometimes, you’ll use a hyphen to attach prefixes to the root word, but it can vary from one prefix to the next—and sometimes with the same prefix. Thanks, English!

I know this might seem like a cop-out, but there are too many prefixes to list here and even more examples for when to either use or not use a hyphen. You kind of have to just learn them as you go. Sorry.

Except when . . .

Ok, there’s one actual rule for hyphenating prefixes that never changes, and that’s to hyphenate any word where the prefix causes an awkward double-vowel situation.

Examples:

Hyphen required: “I’d accuse you of being anti-intellectual but I don’t think you’d understand the insult.”

No hyphen required: “I’d accuse you of being antisemetic but you’d probably take it as a compliment.”

Use hyphens to avoid confusion or misunderstandings

The English language is already a giant clusterfuck of confusion, contradictions, and exceptions. So, if there’s even a .0000001% chance that including a hyphen could prevent confusing someone or causing a misunderstanding, drop that fucker in there. 

Example:

“I re-sent the email” vs. “I resent the email.” 

Are you trying to say that you sent the email again or that you feel bitterness and indignation toward the email? The latter seems pretty childish. What did that inanimate object do to you? You can (and should) resent the person who sent the email but you can’t resent the email itself. 

DO NOT use a hyphen to set off or interject information in a sentence.

That’s what the em dash and parentheses are for, you insolent pricks!

Examples:

Incorrect: Dana never texted me back - probably because of the restraining order - but I did hear from her lawyer.

Correct: Dana never texted me back but I did hear from her lawyer—probably because of the restraining order.

Also correct: Dana never texted me back (probably because of the restraining order) but I did hear from her lawyer.

Hopefully, this article shed some light on how and when to use hyphens—and also maybe made you hate hyphens enough that you decide to correct your amok-running ways and give the en dash, em dash, and parentheses the respect they deserve. That’s all for now. Toodles!