The Fear of Finishing
"I went for years not finishing anything. Because, of course, when you finish something, you can be judged."
- Erica Jong // novelist, satirist, and poet
Confession time: I'm currently in possession of no fewer than 20 unfinished manuscripts, short stories, screenplays, blogs, and various other written materials. I’ve also spent the better part of a week writing this post because I keep agonizing over what to include and fear that I’ll forget something important.
Whenever someone asks me if they can read something I've written, I'll tell them, "it's not quite finished yet," or "I'm re-working some things." It could and should be finished but there’s some mysterious force preventing me from actually finishing. It’s like a subconscious defense mechanism that somehow protects me from the world like a child pulling the covers over their head to hide from the monsters in their room.
The truth is, I'm always terrified that people won’t like what I write. Either they won’t “get it” or they’ll compare it to something they just read from by another writer and think it’s shit. I’m afraid that all the time I spent obsessing over the most inconsequential details will have been a waste and that I’ll somehow be seen as a failure or be written off entirely just because this one thing I wrote wasn’t good.
It’s called “The Fear of Finishing” and it’s an insatiable demon that feeds on unused, unfinished, and unshared creativity. Let’s talk about it and find a way to starve the beast so we can emerge from its shadow.
What Is The Fear Of Finishing?
It’s exactly what it sounds like. The fear of finishing is an umbrella term that covers any and all reasons why we writers, artists, and creative heathens are afraid to take our stories, illustrations, songs, or pieces of art all the way through to the end.
**NOTE: For the sake of simplicity, any and all creative works or endeavors that apply to this discussion will be henceforth referred to as “THE THING.”
What Causes Our Fear Of Finishing?
It could be one reason or it could be multiple reasons. The answer could be simple or it could be something that I didn’t go to school long enough to diagnose. Nevertheless, here are some of the most common culprits (in no particular order) that have plagued creatives for eternity while they tried to make THE THING.
Perfectionism
See: “chasing the ghost.” Perfection is an entirely human construct. It’s a fallacy. It doesn’t exist. And yet, we worship it like a deity. We suckle at the saggy teets of online “experts” who present themselves as the pinnacle of their chosen profession and prey on our insecurities. We seek it endlessly, measuring ourselves against it and judging all things against this hypothetical concept. Look at any so-called “perfect” thing: The Sistine Chapel ceiling, Hey Jude, Brad Pitt’s general existence–choose literally any noun you want and there will be something objectively wrong with it.
Perfectionism holds us back because we’re afraid that putting something less-than-perfect out onto the world will mean we’re just another hack who doesn’t have the talent or the drive to make true, capital “A” Art and some internet troll will point out our microscopic errors with a barrage of toxic insults.
If you’re trying to be perfect, you were fucked before you even started.
Self-doubt
Lack of confidence is probably the most universal reason why people, not just creatives, don’t achieve THE THING. But confidence and talent have no bearing on one another. The most confident person in the room might be completely unaware that they aren’t good at THE THING. They might also be perfectly aware and their confidence is manufactured to cover it up. On the flip-side, how many times have you seen the cliché fictional character who has zero confidence but is actually amazing at THE THING? That’s because it’s not fiction. Those people are everywhere.
Self-doubt is a byproduct of criticism, both real and perceived. At some point in our lives, we were criticized for something we did and the feeling stuck with us. It sucks to be told that we were wrong or made a mistake, but that criticism is part of the process. It’s how we learn and grow and improve. So embrace the suck and use that criticism to your advantage. Don’t let it be an anchor that holds you back, let it be the fuel that pushes you forward.
Imposter syndrome
Picture this: you’re a ph.D student who needs to give a huge presentation; the kind of presentation upon which your entire success in the program hinges. You’ve spent years researching, studying, and writing about every boring-ass nuance of the subject. You’ve shirked all of life’s responsibilities and your closest relationships just to prepare. Then, when the day comes. You get up in front of the audience and look out at a room filled with people whose names are adorned with fancy titles. Despite all your studying, research, debating, writing, and experience, your only thought is: “who am I to tell these people anything?”
That’s impostor syndrome. It’s the feeling we get when we’re afraid of being exposed as a fraud who has no idea what they’re doing or what they’re talking about. Well, guess what? Nobody has a goddamned clue what they’re doing most of the time. Even after we’ve put in our 10,000 hours, there’s still plenty to learn. The only real imposters are the people who claim to know all the secrets, all the techniques, and all the things—and sell you some bullshit program about how they can teach it all to you.
If you’ve worked your ass off for something, then you deserve to be there. If you love something with every fiber of your sentient meatsack’s being, then you deserve to be there. Keep showing up and don’t let anyone tell you to leave.
Criticism
Not wanting others to judge or criticize THE THING is perfectly understandable. We don’t want something we’ve worked hard to create to be attacked by those who don’t understand what we’re trying to do. There’s also the fear that criticism from the wrong person can cause others to not even bother considering THE THING. We intentionally stunt our own progress because once we’re finished, everything is fair game for analysis and critique. Sometimes people suck at giving criticism. Most of the time we suck at receiving criticism. But it’s all part of the process.
Just chucking your THING into the deep end of the pool without any water wings probably isn’t the best idea, especially if you’re worried about criticism. That’s why it helps to find people close to you who you trust to provide honest feedback without ripping out your soul and using it to wipe their ass. Dip your toes into the lukewarm waters of critique before cannonballing into the cesspit of public opinion.
Vulnerability
THE THING is a reflection of you, even if only in a small way. And the real nut-kicker is, it might reveal things about you that conflict with the image you’ve spent years projecting. If you’re writing a memoir, it might literally reveal who you are and the things you’ve thought, felt, or done. If you’re writing high fantasy, it might reveal the things you secretly love, fear, or desire. We’re putting ourselves out there and asking others to accept us for who we are. That prospect is equal parts vital to our growth as writers and absolutely fucking terrifying.
But vulnerability is part of the game. For all our flaws, humans have a pretty good bullshit detector. We can tell when a THING isn’t genuine or when the creator is trying to be something they’re not. Be open and honest with your THING and I promise it will resonate with people.
Success
It might not feel that way, or you might have convinced yourself this isn’t the case, but it’s not uncommon for people to fear success. This fear doesn’t come from the success itself, though. Most people enjoy praise, profits, accolades, or even adoration on some level. But with success comes the added pressure to achieve it again (and again). That type of pressure can be paralyzing, especially if you’ve spent years toiling away at THE THING only to be expected to write another THING in a fraction of the time.
Sadistic creatures that we are, we’ve come up with terms specifically for people who started out with promise only to miss the mark with their next effort. We label people “one-hit wonders,” bemoan their “sophomore slump,” and lament that beautiful-but-brief “flash in the pan.”
The obligation of perpetual creativity is a road straight into madness, so stop measuring yourself and your self-worth by everyone else’s expectations or definition of success. Do what you can, when you can, with what you have. Make yourself happy first, then if you feel like it, worry about everyone else.
How Can We Overcome The Fear Of Finishing?
I wish I could tell you the answer. But the truth is, I just don’t have it. The Fear of Finishing is a relentless bastard that I struggle with every day. Some days I win, some days I lose. But I’ve learned that it’s not so much about winning, it’s about coming back day after day knowing that I might lose. That being said, there are a few things I do to help me get past the fear and focus on THE THING:
Embrace The Suck
This actually has two meanings. First, writing/creating is hard. It just is. As much as we love it, it’s a complicated, messy, frustrating process long before it’s fun, sexy, or even successful. To dive into the black, endless void of our own psyche and emerge with a coherent THING borders on being a miracle. Accept that and you’ll grow more comfortable trudging through the hard parts until you reach the fun parts.
Second, you have to accept that your first attempts at writing/creating will, more than likely, be complete and utter shit. This applies to almost everything humans do. I mean, were you good at riding a bike the first time? How about cooking dinner? Or playing an instrument? What about dating or doing the bedroom blitz? Even if you were good at first, you probably got better the more you did it. So accept that you’re going to suck at first and remind yourself that you’ll get better. Just don’t forget that the only way to get better is to DO THE THING!
Freewrite
Freewriting is an exercise where you just write, without thinking, editing, or planning for a chosen period of time. I usually go for just five minutes. It helps me push aside some of the doubts or the voice in my head and open the floodgates of creativity. I find it helps to write about something I’m not at all interested in, even if it’s something short, like 500 words. Pick a random topic or Google “writing prompts” and choose the first thing you see. This will give you the chance to finish something that you’re not deeply connected to and that nobody else will ever read. That feeling of accomplishment triggers all kinds of chemical and neurological reactions that not only make us feel good but can boost our confidence and help us make progress on THE THING.
Walk Away
Try taking a break from THE THING. Go read. Go exercise. Go pet your dog/cat. Go do literally anything else to take your mind off THE THING. Come back later with a clear head. Experienced authors of all genres have talked about how they’ll finish a draft, then let it sit for days or even weeks before coming back to start revising it. Your mileage may vary but the idea is the same: give yourself a fucking break.
Fear and uncertainty are part of the human condition. We all experience these feelings, even when we’re not trying to do THE THING. If you can’t power through the feeling, remind yourself that you’re not the only one who feels like this. Every writer/creator who came before you was once the novice who felt like they weren’t good enough. Every writer/creator who comes after you will have to slay the same insufferable demon. And just like every other writer/creator, your THING deserves to be shared. Keep going.