Let’s get this out of the way up front: when most words first entered the English lexicon, people actually enunciated when they spoke. There was a sense of pride in the spoken word. Shakespeare was bigger than Beyoncé even if you adjust for inflation. Back then, elocution was better than sex because it didn’t require removing nineteen layers of ridiculous clothing or getting her father’s permission. Now, we just let words ooze from our face holes like the nacho cheese fountain at your weird cousin’s wedding in Wisconsin. 

We can do better. For starters, we can make it clear that affect and effect aren’t homophones (i.e. words that sound alike but have different spellings and/or meanings). Most people just think they are because of modern English speakers’ aforementioned nacho cheese-itis. The proper pronunciations are “uh-fekt” (affect) and “eh-fekt” (effect). But wait, there’s more! They also have different meanings, so stop using whichever one you damn well please whenever it damn well pleases you.

Something something, clever segue into the difference between affect and effect . . .

When to use affect

Affect means “to change, impact, or influence shit.” It’s most commonly used as a verb, which means it’s an action word. It does something.

Use affect when you’re talking about an act or event that will change or alter something else.

Example:

The end of the pandemic will not affect my desire never to leave the house.

When to use effect

Effect means “the result of a prior action, event, or influence on shit.” It’s most commonly used as a noun, which means it’s a word that represents a “thing.”

Use effect when you’re talking about something that has been changed, modified, or impacted by something else.

Example:

The global pandemic had no measurable effect on my social life.

More examples

An earthquake = the affect

A building falling down = the effect

Making inappropriate jokes at a funeral = the affect

Being ostracized from the Johnson family who has no idea who you are or why you’re there = the effect 

Dropping acid = the affect

Wandering naked into the desert; drinking the blood of a snake; seeing the Wolf god, Fenrir, and swearing allegiance to him in the final battle against Odin and the Aesir at Ragnarök = the effect

How to remember the difference

We’ve all heard the phrase “cause and effect,” right? It’s used to show the relationship between A.) an action or event, and B.) the outcome or result of that action/event. Well, you could also think of it as “affect and effect” because affect with an “a” is usually the action/event, and effect with an “e” is the outcome or result.

Too complicated? Fine. Then go alphabetical with that shit. Affect starts with an “A.” Effect starts with an “E.” A comes before E in the alphabet, so you can always remember that the affect comes first (i.e. the cause) and the effect comes after (i.e. the outcome).

If neither of those work, just write a blog explaining the difference for people on the internet and you’ll hate both words so much that you’ll never use them again and all your (immediate) problems will be solved!

When everything you just learned gets crotch-punched

Hey! Remember earlier in this post when I said how affect and effect were “most commonly” used as a verb and a noun, respectively? Do you also remember how the English language sucks and doesn’t care about your sanity? Good. That will save us some time, especially if you’re efficient like me and have your daily cry first thing in the morning. Pro tip: tears make a good creamer alternative because the saltiness balances out the acidity of coffee!

So, while it’s less common, there are times when affect is used as a noun and effect is used as a verb.

Using affect as a noun

Affect as a noun means “a feeling, emotion, or emotional response.” It’s a way of behaving or speaking.

And, because reasons, when using affect as a noun, you change the pronunciation to “a-fekt” with a short “A” sound like in “apple.”

Example:

“I greeted the other guests, fully aware of my voice’s flat affect to show them I had no interest in making friends.” 

Using effect as a verb

Effect as a verb means “to bring about or change.” 

Yes, that’s the same definition as when you’re using affect as a verb. *hands you another KleenexⓇ*

Example:

“The nihilists didn’t hope to effect change in how society views them because what’s the point?”

And that about does it. You wanted to know the difference between affect and effect, so you clicked on this post (the affect). Then I told you the difference and now you know (the effect). That’s neat. Kthxbye!