When to Hyphenate Shit
Spoiler alert: you’re using hyphens for things that are way out of their pay grade. Yes, the hyphen has several uses but that doesn’t mean you can just use it wheremst you damn well please! Come learn how to properly use a hyphen for once.
Write Like You Talk
Look, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it. Your writing is the textual equivalent of having a stick up your ass. It looks and sounds uncomfortable, and the rest of us want you to stop.
Is “Login” One Word or Two?
We’ve all been there. You type “login” and it doesn’t look quite right. “Maybe it’s two words,” you think, so you plop a space in there and now “log in” looks even worse. “Have I ever been right in my entire life?” Probably not. But I’m going to help you turn that losing franchise around!
Waiting on “If”
If only deals in hypotheticals. If works on an unconscionable contract. If is a malicious negotiator. If is a snake-oil salesman masquerading as the prophet who will make all your problems disappear. If takes control out of your hands and gives it to an indifferent and uncaring universe. It may seem like a small, innocuous word, but it’s secretly fucking up your entire universe.
Less vs. Fewer
Let’s be honest. We live in a world where more is better. We’re a gluttonous species that can never have enough shit. We need money, more possessions, more followers, more likes, and more carbs. You name it, we want it—and we want it all. So, it’s not surprising that we’ve forgotten how to even talk about the concept of not having as much as possible. So, when do you use “less” versus “fewer?”
When to Apostrophize Shit
The comma gets all the glory for being the most misused punctuation mark, but I’ll be goddamned if I let you bargain-bin rejects continue to besmirch the apostrophe’s good name.
Why You Suck at Writing
You can’t please everyone all the time. Sometimes your writing will be unquestionably, undeniably shitty. Other times, its shittiness comes down to preference and perspective. Either way, your writing will always be shitty to someone. And that’s okay.
Abbreviations, Acronyms, and Initialisms
Abbreviations, acronyms, and initialisms are all part of the same grammar family tree. They’re related but that doesn’t mean they’re the same. You’re already being lazy by hacking a word or phrase down to the smallest possible size, so the least you can do is learn the difference.
Affect vs. Effect
Elocution and enunciation have gone the way of the dodo. That’s why people are surprised to learn that affect and effect have different spellings, pronunciations, and meanings. So stop using whichever one you damn well please whenever it damn well pleases you.
Everything Is Writing
Writing involves a maddening amount of thinking, planning, and non-writing both before and after you vomit some words out onto the proverbial page. Just because you’re not physically writing, it doesn’t mean you’re not still writing.
“Calls to Action” or “Call to Actions?”
When marketing terminology and the English language collide, it’s a freaking bloodbath. The normal rules don’t apply, exceptions are made, and confusion abounds. Hence why so many people don’t know if they should say “calls to action” or “call to actions.”
Assume vs. Presume
The words assume and presume are both related to how we form opinions about a person, situation, event, or topic without hard evidence. However, the two words are not interchangeable.
Punctuation Alignment Chart
How well do you know your punctuation marks? Can they ever truly be trusted? Which ones are here to help you and which ones will stab you in the back at the first opportunity? Consult the Punctuation Alignment Chart and choose your fighter.
Writer’s Block Isn’t a Thing
Writer’s block is just the catch-all term to describe moments when we feel stuck, uninspired, or distracted. It's the scapegoat for our own inadequacies and insecurities because it’s always easier to blame something beyond our control than it is to fess up and admit that we suck. Stop making excuses and start identifying the real problem.
Awhile vs. A While
You wouldn’t think a simple space could wreak so much goddamned havoc on your confidence as a writer. But there it is—staring at you, mocking you, making you question how the hell you ever passed a single English class. Well, let’s look at their differences and when you should use each.
The Fear of Finishing
I'm always terrified that people won’t like what I write. Either they won’t “get it” or they’ll compare it to something they just read from by another writer and think it’s shit. The Fear of Finishing is something all writers struggle with but it doesn’t have to be that way.
“For Fuck's Sake” or “For Fuck Sake?”
It’s not that hard, for fuck’s sake. Wait. Is that right? I think so. I’m, like, 83% sure that’s right. We’ve all been there. We write or say something and then immediately begin to question our own reality. Let's get to the bottom of this fucker.